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(Okay, maybe I will.) I'd like to tell you I hang glide and build soup kitchens in Haiti, but last Saturday I got drunk at home and watched an entire season of_ Gossip Girl_.I guess that's me 'living in the moment.' God, I'm such a dork.""Why do we connect?Or you could follow our flowchart and find the one designed to pair you with the woman (or man, or costume-wearing sex slave) of your dreams.It's a little weird at first, trusting a computer algorithm to pair you off.

Also, there's a specific place for you to talk up your hobbies, and it's not your handle, ILike Sexn Soccer. (And if they were, Ding Dong 9Inch Wong would take it every year.) All a username has to convey is "I'm not crazy." Your profile can take it from there.I run marathons on Saturdays and triathlons on Sundays. DON' T WASTE MY TIME.""Here goes nothing: I'm a 29-year-old gal who just moved from Boston.I have a job that sucks, but I won't bitch about it too much.I am a questioner, a daughter, a sister, a sinner, a saint, a passionate lover— a bit of everything! "The biggest complaint we get from women is that guys don't pull the trigger and ask them out," Langston explains. The worst that could happen is she says no and your crippling insecurities send you into a tailspin of drugs and despair._—Andrew Richdale _It's counterintuitive, but mentioning a woman's looks in your first e-mail comes off as creepy—like you've started fapping.I think that about covers it.""Hello I am funs human from Romania. I LIVE IN MOMENT."_—Drew Magary _No pressure, but that first message is as do-or-die as it gets in online dating. "We've found that subtle self-deprecation works great," says Langston, "and that a joke works out terribly." Mention a common interest from her profile—we both like skiing! Compliment her ironic Kanye shades, sure— just not any part of her actual body._—Julianne Smolinski _You want to suck the air out of a potential first date?

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